Nobody’s (A chain of Thought)

I stand there in my class
Searching for an empty seat
For I have been left to wander
And feed on the absentees
I have no permanence and thus,
Everything around me goes bland and worthless

I pick a seat that gives me a good view
Of a very good friend I once had
And I sometimes notice her eyes
Looking at me, full of disappointment

The person sitting next to me
Is always a friend; but never sees
The sadness hidden in my forced smile
For I am no actor; but people can’t see through my outer shell

And sometimes I hope
That they never know
My true identity; what I really am
For I don’t think they will love a man
Who hasn’t even loved himself much
Who is sad and alone
In a crowd of people
Who blankly take onto life
What is put upon them
Where I stop to question
if I really belong

And I disappear into my past
Folding page after page of my mind
To search for a time
A time when I knew true happiness; but
But that time is far away
Years from the present where I am now
And I don’t think I even know
(And thus I question myself)
If i even know the feeling of happiness anymore
I think I’ve grown numb
Numb enough to evade
The feeling of true happiness.
But I still haven’t numbed enough
For I still can feel the sadness inside

And I see people with unsure hands
Fearing that they make no mistake
Closely sticking to people whom
They hold dearer than life itself
And I stare blankly for I have none
To call upon when my heart is hollow
And here I stand in class again
A friend to everyone
But no one’s friend
I am of everyone but no one is of me

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