Reason (a chain of thought)

And I lay here wondering;

About the things I lost in life.

And I stand by to reason

If they really mattered;

Or if it made a difference

If I succeeded or failed

For a million people have told me –

That it is your mistakes that make you who you are.

 

But as I wonder on,

I seldom think if they were mistakes;

Or just the right decisions that I regret I took.

Because I heard somewhere

That sometimes,

Yes sometimes,

Even the wrong decisions surpass the pleasure

Compared to the right ones

Because a person is not stuck with the question

Asking himself all his life.. “What if?”

 

So, I try to reason.

But reason in itself seems useless these days;

For I see people happier than me

Without any reason to justify their happiness

And it makes me wonder

If my search for reason is my problem.

If I am doomed to constant sadness because I search for answers;

Answers which now I see

For me make the most difference in the world

But seem useless to everyone else

 

I, thus, see myself

Trapped in an eternal thought.

Never to find true happiness

For I have started to question my happiness

And over-analyze it

Tearing it apart limb from limb

Searching for a reason why I was that happy

Only to find that I have killed my happiness in the process !

 

But, I do not resent myself these days

I know I am damaged

And as I see the world smiling at me

While I force a smile at them

I wonder if the smile of the world is also forced

If other people are just as unhappy as me

But they can deal with it

It just leaves me with a constant question

“Can I”?

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