And sometimes I wonder

And sometimes I wonder
how it would be like-
If I never loved you;
if I never thought of you
the way I did.
Or if you never existed
in my world.

Would I have been happy?
Free.
Free from the torture
torture of those awkward conversations
after I fell in love,
after I wanted to tell you,
after I told you,
and even after you rejected me.

Would I be free?
Or would my heart stray
to another direction?
To another Venusian
who would also be close
to resembling the perfect girl
I hold so close to my mind
and heart?

I think I would feel
for another girl
the same feelings
that I felt for you
Because you do not resemble
the perfect girl for me
which I have in my mind.
But let me tell you this,
You were very close.
Close enough for me to
evade what you lacked

But then I think again
about how I feel for you
and wonder if…
if I could feel the same
for another woman again
And then I realise
that you will be
always in my memory
like a permanent tatoo

And sometimes I wonder
of things that will never be
And I feel stupid
every second I wonder

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