I am lost in a world-
Where the society has turned its back
upon (what i think) the things that matter;
and put themselves to be eaten by
blind faith of some sort.
Its not just about religion
(although religion is also a part of it)
From what people see and have said out loud-
I act mostly like an overgrown child;
And yes I confess that (to a higher degree)
I like being a child
as I was- before I took a form of an adult.
For being a child was a batter choice;
not because of the lack of responsibility,
but because of the simplicity or being young.
And these days I see
Changed minds, and changed perceptions
of what is to be a completely changed society.
And I question myself
if I am in the company of wrong people.
But everywhere I see
people have been the same
everyone brainwashed, everyone different
from what they were.
And at this point it would seem
that i was questioning change itself.
No. Do not let that illusion strike your mind.
I am but questioning the path of change;
For I know as much as you
that change is constant.
But that doesn’t always mean that it is right;
And that doesn’t mean that it should happen.
I thus start to question
what the society thinks of me.
A man who doesn’t smoke,
A man who doesn’t drink,
And a man who questions the existence
of an imaginary friend that people have.
They call him God, and I call it madness.
And I am hated because I do not meet
“The standards of the current society.”
Since when did it become a thing of pride
to be smoking and drinking?
Even to the extent of not being in control
of who you are and where you are?
And since when did it become a thing of pride
to have sex with a prostitute;
or with a woman who is worse off than one
I start to question thus, if I got reality wrong.
Since when did all these become,
from something people hid and were humiliated of
to a point where they say it out loud
(like they did something noteworthy)?
And I start to think, if I missed a class;
maybe when I was in the seventh grade,
or the eighth may be (I am not sure)
A class which changed the social point of view
of the people around me.
A best friend of mine (Aman) tells me the other day
“Sano sano kura ma khusi huna siknu parcha”
Roughly translated as-
“you should be happy over small things”
and I trust him on that
for I see him enjoy life
without the evils I mentioned before.
But most people have taken that quote and turned it into
something that has flipped the perception of society
A friend of mine (Nilisha) questioned me today
how I enjoyed with my friends
when I don’t drink and I don’t smoke
when the rest of them do it with utmost pride.
And there I wondered
if people had forgotten the meaning of friendship
where just being there with someone
sharing a conversation
or even silence, when it comes to it
was more amusing than “losing consciousness”.
I answer back with a question
as I mostly do
if those people remembered what they enjoyed?
for I even enjoy the silence of friends when they’re happy
and I enjoy friendship to the fullest
without being high or drunk!
Another of my best friends (Daniel) joshes with me
that I should smoke, drink, have sex and all.
But I know his words, and his sense of humor;
and understand that he doesn’t mean it so;
and I do understand that he wouldn’t
want me to become someone I was not
And I am not calling myself a pure man
for I do have flaws of my own
And I too have a side that is dark and muddy.
But that is visible to everyone
since I have not adapted to having different faces in the society.
I am same to all,
Talk to everyone about anything
and maybe that is why they tell me I should “hold my tongue”
Another friend of mine ( name removed )
considers me to be as irritating as can be
for the same reason I pointed above
for I cannot hold my tongue
and I seem to say all the “right” words
I’d always considered
my behavior of constantly discussing
as a talent of some sort;
since it brought in new conversation
and opened both parties
to new discoveries, ideas and revelations.
and i do not mind admitting defeat
on a discussion I would have with pride
with a friend who is willing to go the distance.
And people who have gone the distance
know that after a struggle
I do fold if I think I’m wrong.
But then there are people
who would rather that I not discuss
on topics of religion, sex, love or politics
and other topics too
since they feel
i get too into the topic
or something else of worry
that i would not understand.
so, i sit here and type
a social outcast
just because I abide by a few principles
a few rules I hold dear
dearer than life itself
But I don’t pity myself
but I pity those
who follow the mainstream
for from what I see
they are lost
and i am proud to be a social outcast
even if i am not happy
in a society which is beyond
my capability of understanding
So is it me who stands out
or is it the society?