A note

To whoever is reading this,

I don’t know why I’m writing this before I die. Maybe its because I want you to know the story of my life. But what is a story apart from some facts mixed together with well fabricated lies and a little human perception. No. I wouldn’t want to bother you with stuff like that. I realize that knowing my story will not make a difference in you. But hey, maybe I can tell you why I want to die. Maybe if you know the reason, you’d be able to understand why it was that I wanted to die.

I don’t want to complicate things so, I’ll be short and precise. My death is on no-one’s hands. I did not die for love, or due to any other common causes of suicide. In a nutshell, the world isn’t what I thought it would be. Don’t get judgmental just yet. I viewed the world as just and fair. But the world is not at all so. And here you may argue that – that’s the meaning of life and that I should adapt to it. But that’s the main problem. If I try and adapt myself to the world, I would be turning myself into a monster. I’d be changing myself to a person who I’ve hated all my life. And I do not want that. And since there is no other solution to the problem, I figure death may be the only alternative left. Plus, I’d rather have me kill myself than allow someone else the pleasure and honor of doing it. I wouldn’t want time to degrade me to an eminent slow death. I don’t expect you to understand, but I would prefer if you tried.

And what do I get from dying you may ask. Well, I get salvation. I get freedom from this constant thought of this depraved world. Which brings us to the question – How will I do it. Well, by the time you read this, you will have noticed that I have already killed myself. I thought of it a lot. And I discovered that the last thing I wanted before I died was to feel pain again, a feeling which is the supreme cause of change. So, instant death ideas were out of the question. I figured slitting my neck would be a good choice. I’d feel pain for a while before going into complete euphoria. Hopefully, it won’t last long enough for me to change my mind. Because people do silly things when they’re in pain. It’d be rather silly if I tried to commit suicide and ended up saving myself, don’t you think.

Well, the only thing I have left to write is how I would like you to dispose of my body. I want my body incinerated and the ashes thrown. Its simple. The world gave me nothing and I don’t want to give anything back. I’d prefer no ceremony, no weeping, and please do not think of afterlife. I do not want you imagining me in a better world (Although leaving this cruel world is, in itself, going to a better one). Although I’ll not know if you’ve complied to what I’ve asked you to do, I really hope that you respect my dying wish. GOODBYE.

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3 comments

  1. A most frightening and sad post.

    1. Just trying to look at life from the eyes of a man who has lost everything

  2. aliveandnotjustbreathing · · Reply

    Reblogged this on Slinking down corridors and around pillars and commented:
    I should slit my throat and die – you have no idea how often I think about this.

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