The last day of college was an amazing thing for me. Not because I had mixed feelings. Not because I was going to miss people. Not because I was happy that college was finally over. Not because I was sad that I was going to lose a lot of friends. It’s because other people claimed that they had mixed feelings, that they were going to miss people, that they were happy that the torture had ended and sad that they were going to lose friends.
I don’t know why, but I never felt these things. And I was amazed to see other people feel them. I am definitely sure that some of it was from the social stigma that you should feel like this on the last day of college. But, most of them seemed to have genuine feelings about this. And all I could do was question why. For me, getting out of college was not a big deal. Yes, it was a fulfillment of a short term goal, but it meant nothing more than passing some other test.
Maybe it was because People see it as an interface between your study life and your work life. But I’ve been doing odd jobs and working since I was 15 years old. So, any emotions about the dreaded transition was not of any concern to me. Maybe they were lying, just to make others and themselves feel good. Maybe it was a way of not feeling left out. But I really don’t see why people would make false promises about staying in touch with other people when both parties understand that it’s not going to happen. The people who are going to be with you after college won’t even tell you to stay in touch. Because they know that you will.
Maybe the feelings were caused by the uncertain future that lay before them. Maybe they had mixed feelings because the college provided them a sense of security. They had been expected little of when they were in college. But now, they had to make huge decisions about their life. Maybe that feeling is what they thought was the future for them. I (until now) haven’t had that realisation. And maybe I never will. I see that feeling as nothing more than unnecessary worrying.
People understood that they would miss each other. I had no feeling of that sort. The people I cared about and would miss were to meet me later that day. I knew somehow that I’d always be in touch with the people I cared about and would never miss the people I didn’t give a shit about. There were, however, one or two people I cared about but didn’t had much conversation with because of my (for the time being let’s say) Indifference. I would miss the small conversations I had with those people; but for me that was just a small casualty.
I still participated in the photographs because I like taking photographs. Although, I’m certain most of these photographs will lose their importance in a week or two. It’s not that I’m pessimistic, but I always picture photographs as such lost as a post in a social media (maybe to be found later on by a stalker or a person who has a crush on you); or as being deleted because the person needs extra disk space to keep new pictures of new memories he/she has had with family and new friends.
At this time, you may feel like I’m a screwed up person. And I completely agree. I am. But, this is what I feel. NOTHING. I know it’s very difficult for you to fathom that there might be such a guy who fights emotions with logic. But here I am. I try to keep my emotions reserved for moments of complete weakness. And today is not that day. Whatever may be the case, I hope there might be a reader among thousands of people who can relate to this and make me feel like less of a freak.