Untitled (as love always is)

When I told you that I’d been in love with you since 5 months, I imagined you reacting in different ways in my head. I had had all sorts of reactions before and I believed I could handle it.

When I told you that I’d been in love with you since 5 months, I imagined you laughing. I imagined you sizing me up from head to toe; with every moment we spent together going through your head. I imagined your beautiful eyes searching for meaning. I imagined you telling me I wasn’t good enough. I had been rejected before and believed I could handle it.

When I told you that I’d been in love with you for 5 months, I imagined you smiling. I imagined you moving your soft hands inside my pants making it hard for me to stand up straight. I have never faced this situation before but I believed I could handle it.

When I told you that I’d been in love with you for 5 months, I imagined you melting like you were hot lava. I imagined you’d turn into an alien with your beautiful hair turning into tentacles. I imagined you telling me that you were unable of earthly emotions. I imagined you crawling away leaving me dumbstruck. I had thought of weirder things before and I believed I could handle it.

When I t old you that I’d been in love with you for 5 months, I imagined you frowning at me. I imagined you telling me that you loved somebody else and that your love for him was far greater than my love for you. I imagined your lips describing scenarios and events in a parallel universe where we could be together and pointing out that it was not to happen. I had been let down before and I believed I could handle it.

When I t old you that I’d been in love with you for 5 months, I imagined you telling me how you only thought of me as a friend. I imagined how you cried and how you said you’d felt betrayed. I imagined how I felt shitty for telling you the truth. I had felt shitty about other things before and I believed I could handle it.

When I t old you that I’d been in love with you for 5 months, you…
The only reason I told you is because I feared the thing I loved about you. I loved how free you were and I knew that one day I would just be another person you knew. I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t say it.

So, When I t old you that I’d been in love with you for 5 months, you said that I was lying. You said that 5 months was an arbitrary time and that I was making it all up. My love had never been unacknowledged before and now I don’t know what to do.

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